Alternative Opportunities Restores Hope

Since leaving Missouri Rehab, I have had many ups and downs. Before the TBI happened to me, we would have allocated these to my Bipolar Disorder. However, mine is one of many unique cases of dual-diagnosis.

I have recently become aware of the technical term "dual-diagnosis" while staying at the homeless shelter and at the neuro-psych hospital unit. I have learned that alocholics with bipolar are termed "dual-diagnosis;" that being bipolar disorder with alcoholism.

In my case, it is bipolar disorder with tbi. It presents a special area of concern for doctors. In psychiatry, bipolar disorder is widely known and treated. TBI, on the other hand, is not so common; hence, those in the medical field are not as likely to be experienced in treating it alone... or as part of a dual-diagnosis.

Recently (May 16), I went to the E.R. as a result of a severe onset of anxiety. On May 19, I insisted -- against medical advice -- on leaving the unit. This was not because I felt that I had been "cured" of my anxiety... it was not because the treatment was extra-superior... (although the hospital to which I had been transported was well above average)... but it was because I had been scheduled for a session with H.U.D. Representatives... and it could be 8 or more months before I would get this opportunity again.

After spending the morning in this session (on May 20), I went to my "home base." Alternative Opportunities of West Plains has become and has been emerging as a "safe zone" for me. The staff there (I cannot identify them individually, because that would leave someone out... in this case EVERY staff member there is nothing but helpful, caring, and supportive!) has been helping me to evolve a plan for employment.

I have been working with a TBI counselor and a "job developer." On this particular day, I was returning to a state of anxiety... the session from the morning had not gone as anticipated. The letter from Ozark Action had specifically stated, "After you attend this meeting... Your Voucher WILL be mailed to you, authorizing you to participate in the rental assistance program." (emphasis on WILL added)

However, during the long session, we were presented with 2 vouchers dated 6/24/2009, which we were asked to sign and date. These vouchers MAY be mailed to us, we were then told. OR, we may receive a voucher dated later. OR, we may NOT receive a voucher AT ALL! How is this for lowering expectations??!

I know that I'm whining here (and, yes, I'd like some camembert with my whine!)... but, being someone whose temper rises when unexpected events slug me over my head (due to the TBI)... this was not the best way of presenting the info. The letter should have stated that this session was mandatory for a POSSIBLE voucher. Instead, the letter was written as though the decision had already been made. Tsk. Tsk.

This dropped my hopes so much... and altered my mood to the degree that I briefly wondered if I should head back to E.R.! After meditating, however, I decided to head over to A.O.! I thought about my counselors there... and how I always left their office with an upbeat frame of mind.

Even though unscheduled, they made time for me... and, after some consultation, and even getting hold of Eileen (from Missouri Rehab), I was able to shake off the negative energy which had gripped me. I returned to Thayer.